Karen Finn. So You Cheated … Now What? Related Posts:. Karen Finn November 6, It shakes the foundation of not only your relationship, but of your reality — all… Read More. Karen Finn September 11, Marriage Rocked By Infidelity?
Karen Finn July 25, Why did they do… Read More. He feels deep remorse and regret. Other times, he lives guilt-free, and sees the cheating as a necessary catalyst for change or something that, well, just happened.
Multitudes, man. To get a better idea about the guilt and other complex feelings that surround cheating, we spoke to various dads who have cheated on their wives. Some of the men here felt fleeting remorse for their infractions; others experienced more anxiety about their partners finding out about the affair than truly feeling guilty for cheating. Some had no regrets about the cheating whatsoever. All helped illustrate the variety of emotions that take place when one decides to be unfaithful.
David told us he had never been faithful in a single relationship in his life. He even cheated on his wife before they got married. He immediately checked into a halfway house and has since made serious steps to achieve sex addiction sobriety, which includes weekly therapy and step-style models.
As soon as I got done getting high, so to speak, sure, there was guilt and shame and remorse, but also, I really just felt like I needed to get high again. I would have told you no.
Giving my wife an opportunity to react to it. As bad as the guilt is that I feel now and the shame I feel now about what I did, it was a lot bigger in my mind before I told her. I love my wife. But there was a problem. He and his wife had been living a routine, nearly sexless marriage as she sorted through her mental health issues.
Whether they are sexual problems , communication problems , midlife crisis, or simply growing apart, those who cheat are generally looking to fill what they perceive as an unmet need. As our society makes it more and more acceptable to break a promise, it makes it easier and easier for anyone to cheat with very little guilt or remorse.
I've found that most cheaters really do have a conscience. Many people who cheat didn't set out to do so. A lot of time cheating just develops out of one bad decision followed by another bad decision.
Before the person knows it, they're cheating. Once they've crossed that line, it's easier to justify it, keep on cheating, and enjoy the ride while it lasts. If you've been cheated on you are likely angry, hurt, and feeling incredibly betrayed. Those feelings are normal and understandable. It's important to recognize, however, that although your feelings may be different than your cheating partner's, it doesn't mean your partner doesn't have negative feelings about cheating -- they'll probably just not show them in the same way.
Burying feelings or explaining away their behavior is how cheaters live with themselves. The majority of men, and women, who cheat aren't bad people. They've just made a series of bad decisions. If you've been cheated on you might think I'm being too kind here. But the truth is the majority of cheaters do feel bad about cheating. If you have been cheated on, however, you now have to think about one of the toughest questions in a relationship, do you leave after an affair or do you find a way to work through it?
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Editor's Note: This post was originally published July 28, It has been updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness. Guy Stuff's Counseling Men Blog shares real stories from our counseling sessions, giving practical solutions and answers to the challenges men and women face. Use your email to subscribe below.
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