Only 44 percent of Americans say shared religious beliefs are very important for a successful marriage, compared to 66 percent who say having shared interests, 63 percent who say a satisfying sexual relationship and 62 percent who say sharing household chores, Pew Research Center reported in October. But while avoiding deep discussions about the value of prayer or arguments over the pope's latest proclamation may seem expedient on the dating scene, couples can struggle in the long term if they don't discuss faith from the start, according to recent research on religion and romance.
The religious beliefs partners bring to a relationship affect how conflicts play out and the faith lives of their future children. Religiously matched couples can draw on resources that would not exist without that spiritual bone during times of conflict or stress.
For example, they might choose to pause an argument to pray together, which many religion researchers describe as a valuable way to address hurt feelings. Earlier studies support his conclusion, showing that joint prayer enables couples to focus on shared needs, rather than individual concerns.
A strong religious foundation can also sustain relationships through dark periods, such as the aftermath of an affair, as the Deseret News reported in September.
Couples who believe their connection is sanctified, or centered on God, seem to have more success than other pairings in overcoming these difficult situations. In general, shared religious beliefs enable couples to comfortably bring religion into their relationship, facilitating conversations that are more difficult for others.
Eight in 10 U. As Pew's study showed, religious discussions are less common in religiously mixed households, which holds consequences for romantic partners and their future children.
People who feel awkward sharing their religious experiences with their spouse may struggle to stay connected to their own spirituality, Pew reported. Adults in religiously matched marriages are more likely to believe in God, say religion is important to them, attend worship services regularly and pray more frequently than their peers in religiously mixed marriages. More than 8 in 10 Protestants 82 percent married to fellow Protestants are highly religious, compared to 58 percent of Protestants married to non-Protestant believers and 49 percent married to someone unaffiliated with a faith, according to the study.
The potential temptation to disengage from religion can be passed on to children of religiously mixed parents, resulting in higher rates of departure from faith communities. This trend is especially pronounced among Catholics, researchers noted. One-third of adults raised to embrace Catholicism by one Catholic parent and one non-Catholic parent 34 percent are religiously unaffiliated today, compared to 17 percent of people raised Catholic by two Catholic parents.
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A Catholic marriage is more than a contract, it is a sacrament. Ecumenical and Interfaith Marriages Marrying someone of another faith? A few things to consider. Married Life Newlyweds. These San Diego residents met in their early twenties, lived together for a number of years and had their daughter prior to getting married. In , they wed and had a son shortly thereafter. For most of the early years of their relationship, Roberto struggled with drugs and alcohol, and spent many a weekend focused on soccer and friends rather than his family.
And the woman had to take care of all the house one way or another, the man did nothing. In , Roberto took a detour. Some friends suggested that he and Marcia attend a retreat for couples at a local Catholic church, and, after some prodding from her, he decided to go. Much to his surprise, Roberto was overcome at the retreat, filled with remorse over his failings as a husband and father.
I never cry. But a lot of things I never did before I did on that day. In the wake of the retreat, Roberto and Marcia have seen a marked improvement in the quality of their marriage. This has translated into big changes in their marriage and family life. Their Catholic faith enabled Roberto to experience powerful, life-changing religious rituals, and to become integrated into a religious community that embraces a positive, family-oriented ethos. It has helped them make the changes needed to strengthen their marriage and family life.
Specifically, my work with Nicholas Wolfinger in Soul Mates: Religion, Sex, Love, and Marriage Among African Americans and Latinos indicates that couples are substantially more likely to report being happy in their relationship when both partners attend church regularly than when neither partner does.
This result holds equally for whites, blacks, and Latinos, as the figure below indicates. In other words, religious couples are significantly more likely to enjoy wedded bliss than are their secular peers.
Why does shared religious attendance lead to happiness? Part of the reason faith matters is that it fosters norms—such as a commitment to marital permanence and fidelity—that strengthen marriages. My research indicates that two other mechanisms, one social and one devotional, also help explain the power of joint church attendance. First, almost half of jointly attending couples form the majority of their friendships with fellow parishioners.
Attending religious services with friends accounts for more than half of the association between church attendance and relationship quality, which means that couples who have many shared friends at their church are happier than other couples.
These friends can also offer support when an intimate relationship hits the inevitable speed bump, and such friends may encourage each other, by example or the threat of stigma, to resist the temptation of an affair. The figure below illustrates the link between shared religious friendships and relationship happiness. Second, couples in which both members attend church are more likely to say that they often pray together, and shared prayer also helps to account for the link between church attendance and a happy relationship.
Previous studies show that prayer helps couples deal with stress, enables them to focus on shared beliefs and hopes for the future, and allows them to deal constructively with challenges and problems in their relationship, and in their lives. In fact, we find that shared prayer is the most powerful religious predictor of relationship quality among black, Latino, and white couples, more powerful than denomination, religious attendance, or shared religious friendships.
In simple terms, as the figure above also indicates, the couple that prays together, flourishes together. This finding holds for whites, African Americans, and Latinos alike. It is true that most people are happy in their relationships irrespective of church attendance, but black, Latino, and white couples who attend together enjoy an added boost here.
Part of the story here too may be due to selection couples who are happier together may also be inclined to do many things together, including attending church. Our evidence for this contention is our identification of two of the mechanisms through which religious participation improves relationship quality: religious friends and shared prayer. Couples who attend church together enjoy significantly happier relationships, in large part because they socialize with friends who share their faith and especially because they pray with one another.
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